In this crazy, fast-paced, occasionally cut-throat world we currently co-exist in, it is extremely easy to find that time will flash by. Getting caught up in being constantly busy is the norm. You lose track. Sure. But what happens when you lose touch? Are you happy? Are you letting yourself go? Are you making sure you are living the best life you can?
I’m currently in this predicament I’m not ashamed to admit. When metaphorical excrement hits the fan, it, and trust me here, is very understandable that you’d get distracted from everything that needs happen. I’ve done it. Especially recently my weight has gained dramatically, and my moods have dropped to the point of clinical help. What a juxtaposition. But unfortunately, they both impact negatively and have changed my relationships, hobbies and free time. My usual upbeat personal manner that both makes people smile and laugh had somewhat diminished and that caused myself to feel distant to everyone. A scary sentiment to someone who has always regarded his friends and family in such high regard. I’m certainly not ashamed to write this on my blog, as for sure am not the only one that is feeling or has felt this way. Its something we all suffer from at some point.
Regardless of all this negativity, it is my problem. The situations I find and have found myself in consist of one common factor, the fact they have all impacted my negatively. The greatest thing about problems though? You can solve them. Problems are solvable. This (sort of) analogy has led me through the darkest of times. If you can move so drastically in one direction, surely you can move the other way? You started there right? What is to stop you getting back there? Other highly clichéd phrases include there being a silver lining and the darkest nights producing the brightest stars. That’s the thing with suffering with depression (yep, that’s right folks, I do), your mind goes to rock bottom. It hits where it hurts. But as these phrases state, negative patches can be taken as lessons or sometimes even opportunities. Its this understanding that is bringing me on my recovery. And the epiphany which birthed these thoughts came to me completely randomly.
It has been what has happened since this revelation which has helped me back on me feet. My realisation that if I weren’t on top form, why would people expect anything more than that from me. So, I have set myself a challenge to get there. Therefore, this post has all the grammatical tenses. To signify what has happened, what I am doing to improve things and what I WILL do. Setting little, achievable goals for instance has done wonders for my confidence. For me personally, cooking has been a huge in producing a product I can be proud of. Something that also pleases other people. Not only this but I am slowly losing a little bit of weight from the fresh ingredients which makes life a little easier physically. Again, slow, and all small victories, but this is the basis of something bigger. Being happy with myself. After my physical appearance getting me down (being my main gripe) had been tackled, I could move on to other factors of my life. I have been driving more to different destinations (I only passed in December). I have been doing odd photo jobs for friends. The reason for these? Because I had already started my road to loving myself again.
Loving myself has proved difficult when my life has been in disarray for many an important reason. But the one thing I have learnt is that these times are temporary. I HAVE been happy with myself before, so why couldn’t I get there again? This process has already started to show its dividends with my social life picking up quite quickly, meaning the love I was starting to give myself was being radiated to others. Consciously capitalizing on this slight positiveness, any opportunity I have had to see, help, cook or even hug people I have taken it with both arms, literally. This has snowballed and although there isn’t a specific finish line, I am getting there. The support is invaluable from other people and shouldn’t be dampened as it is surely the greatest sign that your love is reciprocal. But it really does start from you. If you can’t love yourself, how in hell are you gonna love somebody else?
Can I get an Amen?
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