In the last few weeks, I have had somewhat of an epiphany. My nature and self worth have dramatically changed and during one of the darkest times in my lifetime, Covid, I am managing to see so much light and opportunity from the grasp of a vicious and relentless disease. Without noticing really, I have put myself in a much better position to thrive. As always, I feel lucky to feel this way as so many struggle with mental health and isolation problems. This stark change was needed on a number of fronts in my life and in this post, I'm going to see why these changes have put me in such a vibrant space and strong place.
Firstly, my health. First and foremost, to look after those around you, you need to look after yourself. I've genuinely learned that the hard way. With the ethos of my family, we tend to not groan too much about our ailments and seem to have the 'crack on with it' attitude. With friends majorly suffering with Covid and having similar outlooks, this forced me to look at what I was doing to myself. I have influence over food, exercise and actions, even in these challenging times. These are things that directly effect both my mental and physical wellbeing so need to be looked after.
With a turbulent winter in full swing and a new lockdown on the horizon, I went back to work not feeling in a great position to really thrive. The lack of sleep, stress and restlessness got to me. This resulted in gastrointestinal problems as a direct result of stress. I mulled through each day doing as I was meant to do but with no urge to really push on. Towards the end of January, I unfortunately got to a point where the pain in my stomach became crippling and had to urgently see a doctor. My food intake halved with portion sizes and I consequently have lost a little over a stone in a month. I have fought back though. With the help of tablets I have managed to get back to eating things I haven't in a long time due to the richness and texture. Appreciating food was something I really did take for granted.
The future is something that is always uncertain, now more so than ever. With deaths still at a high level throughout the UK, making use of valuable time is crucial to the mental health of millions. Purpose is something I thought I had but actually found wanting. I knew I was good at my job and have been relatively successful in roles I have played. But I needed to push myself forward. Feeling stagnant in my late twenties is something I didn't envisage for myself in my late teens and beyond. Having been 'pinged' by track and trace recently and having to isolate for 8 days, I decided to invest in a shiny new laptop, TV, desk and chair. With entertainment vital to those on furlough or isolating, it was something that would get a lot of use. With a update on my 6 year old TV too, whilst I had the money, it would be something I could invest in for the next 4/5 years or so. The desk also gave me the push to be more productive with this, my blog and sorting through future training opportunities within education.
Although all bought items, these things helped me think about my future outside of what I'm used to. Till this point really, I hadn't been massively excited about the prospect and thought there would be too much red tape. But with a renewed diet of healthier foods and products that I could rely on to take me forward, what really is there stopping me? I continue to engage in job opportunities and am hoping some come my way through myself working hard. I need to be proud of my past because that is what will push my future. Hopefully over a few months it might be a chance to 'watch this space' in my life and see if I can achieve what I set out to do. I have a renewed confidence through reflecting on truly what I was doing for myself. The simple answer was always, not enough. Well, I know I am capable and want to show the world that I can achieve what I have set out to do, not only succeeding, but well and truly smashing it.
With realisation of what I have and genuinely how lucky I am to have a job and be in loving community, its hard not to want to look after myself so I can continue to enjoy and pursue these factors. The revelation is that I know that I got myself into a rut and it was only me that could get myself out. During Covid, it could be very forgivable to be down in the dumps, and funnily enough I managed to collect that unwanted badge. But to bring myself out of that funk probably is one of my biggest achievements in the last few years. For that, I am truly proud of myself and should really believe in what I am and what I have is enough.
My mantra recently has been:
I will always try my best, I am loyal, I work hard, I shouldn't compare myself to others. Most importantly though, I am always good enough. Love yourself first and put yourself first. The rest will follow. Take care.
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