SAD

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that comes and goes in a seasonal pattern.

Feeling sad right now is okay. The world is in the midst of a global pandemic and in the UK we are currently facing the second wave of infection. The year has quite frankly been the worst on record for many a year. On a emotional note that might feel like it has taken a back seat, the weather is also subsequently turning murky, grey and wet, so quintessentially 'British'. This actually paired with the virus is a potent and rather nasty concoction of isolation for someone that may suffer with depression.

The thought of staying indoors has been something that we all have had to get a grip of since March till around July when the first wave of infections seemed to drop for the summer. This for many then became a time where you could venture out nationally within the confines of social distancing, masks and the number of people you were with. For instance, following all the rules, I embarked on a fantastic trip to Cornwall and although it was drizzly some days, I got a great dose of UV light and I managed to adventure over the Cornish North Coast whilst keeping safe. This followed throughout the summer visiting places like the New Forest and Kent. I felt consequently happy due to the light I managed to take in, the heat I basked in and the views I took in. This for me was the opposite of what SAD is about. In the summer, I am in my element, I don't struggle. With a relatively warm September too, this continued into the new academic year, of which I work during. With light evenings and PE being taken outside, I continued to thrive.

Until October. The month that for whatever reason has decided to turn into a problematic, miserable month that I am really struggling to find something positive to remark on. Firstly, as someone that works in education during a pandemic, let me tell you how infinitely hard it is not to help students without breaking the 2 meter rule. To produce the quality of work that I try and hold myself to, it can be virtually impossible to carry this through with the guidelines. This, coupled with the Autumn Term being the longest of the year, has been a term which has tried and tested the absolute best and most experienced of all my colleagues. With the days getting darker, the light has also slowly started to diminish. This meaning that the the light my eyes, brain and body is taking in is mostly artificial. Ironically looking at a screen as I type this, the light that it emits doesn't make me feel any fresher, or happier; just tired, lethargic and unmotivated. Lastly, the weather. It goes without saying that the UK has been bashed and saturated with sodden weather this month making it harder to travel or to get that vital fresh air without the risk of getting soaked. Weather which appeals to some and can be cathartic, just connotates sad emotions for me.

To try and tackle this and to try and regain a slither of hope for this month I have thrown myself into as much as possible. Tackling SAD is difficult as a vast majority of factors are taken outside of your control. I have suffered for years with depression set on from my environment which is very common. The face that is put on at work or socialising for instance isn't the internal feeling that I have. I can cope well by distraction and by using tasks to keep me busy no matter how medial they can be. This helps focus my mind and drags my mind away from the dim thoughts that might occur otherwise. I threw myself back into football, choosing to also take up photographing some matches alongside playing. This is pushing me through the lack of wanting to be outside as my team mates need me and the photography is something that gives me a creative outlet. I also have a fantastic support network amongst the team, my friends at work and my family. Socialising in the safest way and all within Covid guidelines, I have somehow managed to maintain somewhat of a social life. This might be the odd phone conversation, meet-up or message. But these little moments to me personally are vital and with SAD trying to strangle sometimes, times like these ease the hold it has on my thoughts and feelings.

There will be moments that I will fall back into the trap of staring into space, looking at the sky and thinking there is no hope. But I know that is absolutely okay to do. It is a temporary state that with hindsight is only something that will pass. Talking to people about it and getting things written down really work for me and why it might not be the same for everyone, the basis of sharing is important to let people know how you are. There are people that feel the same as me right now, feel this way in summer and some that don't at all, and that really is all okay. With everything that may affect people right now, its important we really do treat people in a kind and courteous way as it may be hard to really know what they are going through.

Take Care.